Like fiery eyeball thing, no problem. But don’t even try to imagine a Samoan elf. (x)
having self confidence issues like
I hate when people mention someone in their life by their name without providing me with any context about who this person is.
“So Dylan and I went to yoga class yesterday — ”
Hold it right there. Who the fuck is Dylan. Your boyfriend? Your arch nemesis? Your brother? Your pet sea monkey? Your therapist? Your favourite fictional character? Are you on a first-name basis with your dad? Last-name basis with Bob? WHO THE FUCK IS DYLAN.
British Kitchen Nightmares: “The risotto is overcooked and your restaurant needs new lighting.”
American Kitchen Nightmares: “YOUR STAFF DOES DRUGS ON THE CLOCK, YOUR FAMILY THINKS YOU’RE AN ASSHOLE AND THERE’S A LIVE RAT IN MY FOOD.”
Miley: “Dad I have something for Tanners bug collection”
my uncle: “that’s great”
Miley: “it’s a bird”
my uncle: “no its not”
They let it go and it flew away just fine, so we’re wondering how she caught it.
she caught another bird.
update: she caught a squirrel today
She is gonna rule the world one day with this power
Just got this gem from my brother’s girlfriend
fingers are weird??? like…… our arms just split into other smaller arms…………. ok
whAT THE HELL DID YOU DO
starships were meant to fly
hands up and imagine how is touch the sky
Lets do this one last time
Don’t dead open inside
I WOKE UP WITH A SORE THROAT SOMEONE SEND HELP THIS SUCKS
people who drink the left over milk in their cereal bowls are SICK FUCKS
I DONT KNOW WHERE YOU ARE FROM BUT HERE IN MELBOURNE WE DONT WASTE MILK GOD DAMN IT I AM SO MAD THAT SHIT EXPENSIVE
is your caps lock broken or are you really this passionate about milk
milk is the only thing i have left
if she asks you what your favorite meme is tell her it’s her